I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
