Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
