I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
