I just made out with a guy for $7.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize