you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize