GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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