I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
