my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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