I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
