You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
