What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Randomize
