I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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