I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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