I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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