Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize