I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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