what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
third nipple confirmed
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize