this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
