Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Randomize