i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
