He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
