This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
