Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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