the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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