Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
babies were throwing up all over the place
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
