i just google imaged poop.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I just want to make out with him forever
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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