Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
