Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
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