mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
