You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
