So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
