rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Randomize
