I cannot find my penis.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
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