I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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