I'm really into asian looking animals
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Randomize
