Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
