The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
