life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
