JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
