just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
And then he peed in my hair
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