Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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