I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
