i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
