she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
