I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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