In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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