well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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