You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
