Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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