the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
