guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
