My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
