wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
