Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
All the doctor said was why
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
