Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
