Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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