from now on my penis is your penis
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
