So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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