Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
