my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize
