chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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