genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
