You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
