Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
