The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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