So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
