Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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